Love and Despise
by Fullsteel
Summary: After Ed gets rid of a sickness he leaves Central to search for the Philosopher's Stone. While Ed's gone Roy gets strange feelings about Ed, feelings he never had before. Later Ed's life turns upside down. RoyxEd -Will most likely not be finished. Sorry.-
1. A sick start

**Love and despise** (RoyXEd)

_Well, this is my first Shounen Ai story so don't complain!_

After Ed gets rid of his sickness he starts to look for the Philosopher's Stone again. While Ed's away Roy starts to get strange feelings about Ed. Feelings he never had before. The same goes for Ed when he's away from Central. Ed's life later turns upside down when… Well, that's up to you to find out now! ; D

**Information:**

_1. This is a Shounen Ai(Yaoi) story, it means that it contents love between boys. (This case Royand Ed... Wont happen directly.) If ya don't like, don't read!_

_2. It may look like Ed x Al in some places but it's just brotherly love. I don't write Elricest._

_3. I don't own any of the characters or the story Fullmetal Alchemist, Hiromu Arakawa owns them. (The only thing I own is plot in this story.)_

_4. I'm from Sweden so excuse me if I don't spell right or writes the grammar right --_

_5. Rated for Ed's (and some others…) mouth and some kissing ; )_

_6. Er… If you wonder something else mail me at fullmetal. _

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Edward Elric was walking through the Central HQ with hanging head, bags under his eyes and his feet dragging after him. He had been so for a couple of days and Al was worrying about him.

"Nii-san, maybe you should ask the Colonel about a short vacation…" Al carefully said.

"I've already told you, I'm fine, I don't need a vacation." Ed said and sighed, "You need to stop worrying about me, Al."

Ed knocked on the Roy Mustang's office and waited.

"Come in." Roy said and looked up from his papers, "Ah, Fullmetal. I've a new mission for you." He said and picked up some papers from a drawer.

Al looked at Ed and sighed, the Colonel noticed this and looked at Ed to, he looked worn out.

"Fullmetal… Have you thought about getting a vacation?" Roy asked.

"Don't you start to Colonel!" Ed said, "Just give me the damn mission."

Roy gave him the papers and threw a look at Alphonse like he was trying to say 'I tried.' Ed muttered thanks and left with Al.

"Bye, Colonel." Al said before he closed the door.

"Alphonse, could you make it yourself for awhile, I must do a thing." Ed said and looked at his armor brother.

"Sure, Nii-san." Al said, "I'll be in our room."

Ed nodded and parted from Alphonse. When he had got away from Al and didn't see anyone he dropped the papers about his mission and started cough violently, he had been dragging with this for a while now, not letting anyone see him in his current state but it was getting harder to hide. He clung to the wall with his right arm as he covered his mouth with his left, when he took away his hand from his mouth he noticed blood.

"It can't be…" He said to himself and locked away the tears that wanted to come out.

Once again he started to cough and he started to see black spots in front of his eyes, slowly his breath was taken away and everything got black.

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"Yeah, I heard about that." Maria Ross answered Bloch as they took their daily walk through HQ.

They walked in silence when Maria saw something in the end of the corridor.

"Oh God… Edward!" She yelled and ran up to him with Bloch behind.

He was pale and she felt on his forehead, he was burning. Not only that he had a fever, his breathing sounded ragged and weak.

"Bloch, help me carry him to the hospital wing!" Ross said and Bloch immediately did as she said. Fast they lifted Ed up and carried him to the hospital wing.

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"Doctor… How's his condition?" Ross asked, she had sent away Bloch to report about Ed to everybody at the office department.

"Well… I can't say this is some sickness he contracted yesterday." The doctor said and sighed, "I think he has been dealing for this in weeks… Or months. I can't tell what it is but we'll try everything to get the young man better." He explained but a look in his eyes made Ross get a feeling that Ed was serious ill.

"Thanks." She said and entered the room where Ed was in.

He had hard time breathing, she could hear that, and the fever made him mumble in his sleep.

"I'm sorry… Mother… Al, sorry…" He mumbled.

Not many minutes later there was a knock on the door and in came Hughes and Alphonse, Bloch escorted them.

"Nii-san!" Al said and ran in, "What's the matter with him?" He asked Ross.

"I don't know, and neither does the doctors. All he said was that this isn't a sickness he contracted yesterday, he has probably been hiding it for weeks or months." She said with a sad look on his face.

"But… They have a cure, right?" Hughes asked.

"They can't say what it's." Ross answered.

"I know what it is…" A weak voice was heard from Ed, his eyes were half opened.

"Nii-san!" Al said.

"What is it Ed?" Hughes asked.

"It can only be it… Right?" Ed mumbled.

"What!" Al almost shouted.

"I mean… What could it else be? It was just like this back then…" Ed said weakly and started to cough up blood again. When he stopped coughing he took deep ragged breaths.

"Why didn't you tell me you felt sick!" Al asked.

Ed smiled weakly.

"I didn't wanna' worry you…" He whispered and then his eyes closed.

"Nii-san…" Al said and hopelessly looked at Ed who seemed to fight for his life.

"Alphonse, do you know what he was talking about?" Ross asked.

"No… I didn't get anything out of it." He said.

Then the doctor entered.

"Excuse me but I don't think it's the right time to visit now." He said, "We're going to run some tests."

The little group walked out from the room with lowered heads.

The next day Roy Mustang had heard about what had happened to Ed and he was soon up in the hospital wing to check him up, he hadn't gotten much better from the day before.

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"Fullmetal… I heard you know why you're sick." Roy said to Ed, he was sitting on a chair beside Ed's bed.

"Promise to not tell this to Alphonse…" Ed mumbled.

"What?" Roy asked.

"I think I'm dying, Mustang." He whispered.

Roy starred at him in shook.

"This is exactly… How my mother died…" He mumbled and his eyes got filled with tears, he was trying to hold them back but he broke down in tears.

"I don't want Al to see me like this…" He said between sobs and whimpers, "And I don't wanna die."

Roy was still looking at Ed in shook, he had never even imagined the strong, short-tempered Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric break down like this, then he let his instincts take over.

"It's okay… Hush…" Roy said who had embraced Ed in a hug.

Ed didn't protest, he just cried on the Colonel's uniform until he was empty and he started to cough a bit. He was still snivelling and shaking but slowly he began to fall asleep, Roy put Ed's head back on the pillow and covered him with the blanket. He sighed as he stood up and left the room.

Back down at the office Roy met Hawkeye.

"Colonel, what have you done?" She asked and pointed at Roy's chest, there was a big wet spot.

"Oh… It was a little accident in the bathroom." The Colonel said.

He could only guess that Edward didn't want everybody to know about his mental break down.

'Can he really be dying?' The Colonel thought.

"How was Edo?" Havoc asked.

"Sleeping." Roy simply answered.

At the same time in the hospital wing Ed opened his eyes.

"I must get up…" He mumbled, "I don't have the time…"

Edward slipped of the bed and slowly got dressed. When he opened the door to get out the doctor stopped him in the doorway.

"Mr Elric you're not supposed to be out of your bed in days!" He said trying to push Ed inside again.

"I'm sorry but I have no time." Ed mumbled and used the little strength he had to push him aside and after that he walked out of the building with only one thing in his mind: Getting Al's body back before it was to late.

When he had made it to the gates of HQ he was forced to take a pause since his lungs couldn't handle so much pressure.

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Roy Mustang sat in his office and threw a look out of his window. His eyes immediately caught something red in sight and it didn't take long time for him to notice that the red spot actually was Ed.

"Damn you Edward." He said and rushed up from his chair, "What if he gets worse now!" He said to himself and rushed out from his office.

"Is something wrong Roy?" Hughes asked when he saw Roy's concerned expression.

"Fullmetal is outside doing I don't know what." Roy said without stopping his movements.

"What? Oh man… I'll come with you." Hughes said and was fast up on his feet following Roy.

When they were outside Roy saw a little pool of blood in front of the gate.

"Damn that stubborn kid." Roy said, "Hughes let's split up, I'll go to the right, you take the left."

Hughes saluted and walked to the left as Roy walked to the right only one thought in his head: To find Ed before it was to late. At the same time Ed had reached a lake, he stopped moving and looked out over the lake with an empty expression.

"Al used to go to the river when he was upset…" He whispered to himself and smiled, "He still does…"

Ed smiled weakly as he saw an old memory flash by.

**Flash Back**

"Edward, do you where Alphonse are hiding? I've looked everywhere." A beautiful woman known as Trisha Elric asked her older son. "I don't care where he is." A seven-year-old Edward said grumpily. "Did you fight again?" She asked and sighed, "What happened?" "Nothing." Ed said and turned his head away. Trisha sighed. "I guess we only can wait for him." She said, looking a bit worried. Ed felt a sting of guilt when he saw his mother's expression as she walked into the house to look one more time. He sighed and started walk against the river, as he had guessed Alphonse was sitting there with a sad expression on his face. "Al…" Ed said from behind, Alphonse turned around ready to argue again but Ed just turned around. "Let's go, mother is worried." He said and Alphonse looked at him with a confused look but ran after him, looking happy again, Ed couldn't keep himself from smiling when he saw his brother.

**End of Flash Back**

Ed sat down for a while at the lake thinking about old days. In many memories he saw Alphonse about 8 years old with that bright smile that could make anyone smile with him.

"I want to see that smile again…" Ed mumbled with a weak voice, "Before…"

Then he started coughing again. He stood up grabbing a tree to keep his balance as he took deep ragged breaths.

"Focus Ed… Focus…" He told himself and started walk away so straight he could but he didn't really succeed in that since his head started playing him tricks.

His sight became blurry and he was forced to sit down on the street and close his eyes. It wasn't until he opened his eyes he saw a bright light coming closer very fast...

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**End of chapter 1!**

Well, I guess I'll update soon, I've written a lot more!

Please review .


	2. Good news

_(I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and I'll never do... sadly.)  
I wanna thank _Lurkinshdws_and_ MewMewVanilla_for being my first reviewers!  
I was very happy to see that you thinks my story is good _

_Well, here's Chapter 2!_

* * *

Edward gasped as he saw the light came closer and waited for a tremendous pain but before he could feel anything he felt someone push him against the ground, embracing him. Just a second later the bright light was gone and Ed opened his eyes to see Roy look him into the eyes. 

"Edward, are you completely out of your mind!" Roy shouted at Ed who didn't respond.

He was just staring into Roy's eyes, he could see that he was frustrated and worried.

"I'm sorry." Ed mumbled, "But I don't have the time…"

Roy was going to shout at the young boy again but then he saw how tears once more started to fill Ed's eyes. Roy sighed and gave Ed a pat on his head and then lifted him up.

"Don't even dare to do that again Ed." Roy said and started walking back to Central with Ed in his arms.

Halfway they met up with Hughes who looked rather relieved when he saw the two state alchemists.

"That wasn't so clever, right Fullmetal?" Hughes said in a serious voice.

Ed who earlier had struggled to keep the tears in couldn't do it any longer. The tears started to flow down his eyes as he let out quiet sobs and coughs then and then.

"Please… Roy." Ed said quietly.

Both Hughes and Roy looked at the sick boy.

"What?" Roy gently asked.

"I must do something before it's to late." Ed said between sobs.

"What do you mean with to late?" Hughes asked.

"Please… Don't tell Al…" Ed said as he took a ragged breath again, "I'm dying… I need to get him back now…" Ed mumbled.

"Edward…" Both Hughes and Roy said lowly.

"Now." Ed said with the strongest voice he could manage to use, "I want to see that smile on his face before I die."

"Who have said you're going to die?" Roy asked carefully.

"My mother died like this, just like this…" Ed murmured, "So please let me down…"

"Shut up." Roy said, "Don't say so."

"Hmf… What am I supposed to say then?" Ed muttered, feeling ashamed as he was being taken into central in the arms of the person he despised most of everybody in the military, and Roy Mustang was the one who Ed had cried out on.

He felt humiliated and small.

"Don't ever mention dying again, not before knowing." Mustang said seriously.

"He's right, Ed." Hughes said.

Ed mumbled something inaudible before he lowered his head. Back at the hospital wing the doctor were extremely angry with Edward because of his actions.

"Are you out of your mind Mr. Elric!" He yelled in frustration, "If Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Colonel Hughes hadn't found you, you'd probably be dead!"

Ed looked at the other direction biting his lips, taking every word in. Yeah, he had been a fool. And if it weren't for the Colonel he would've got over run by the car.

"Are you listening to me!" The doctor asked.

"Please just shut up." Edward muttered from the bed.

"Shut up? Young man I think you'd need to learn some discipline!"

Roy and Hughes were leaning against a wall staring at the doctor.

"Ha! So I could be an obedient dog for the military or what?" Ed asked and let out a cold laugh.

"Beside... You still don't know what I'm sick with?" He asked.

The doctor sighed.

"No idea but only by looking at you, you looks a lot better than yesterday."

"I'm not dying?"

"Who made you believe that?" The doctor asked.

Ed muttered something and pulled the blanket over his head. Now he felt stupid. Hughes and Roy sighed in relief.

"Wasn't that good Fullmetal, now just get your rest and don't run way like earlier." Roy said.

A tiny "Yes sir." came from the bed.

"Get better." Hughes said as he turned around to leave with Roy.

A tiny "Tanks" could be heard. Under the blanket was Ed letting his tears flow freely, he didn't know how to react he was happy that he wasn't dying but now he felt bad for running away like ha had done. And putting others life on risk.

"I'm a terrible person." Ed whispered and soaked the pillow with his tears.

* * *

Roy and Hughes quietly walked against the offices to get back to work. The silent was broken when they could hear the sound of moving metal. 

"Hi there, Alphonse!" Hughes said and grinned.

"Hi! I heard Ed ran away, do you know something-"

Roy cut of Al.

"He's fine, and back into his hospital bed." Roy said and gave a faint smile, "Don't get confused if he's sulking or something. Ed didn't want us to say this but now when it's proved wrong I guess we could…"

He said and looked up in the ceiling like he was thinking.

"What?" Al asked with hint of concern in his voice.

"He thought that he was dying, he said that your mother died in the symptoms he has… The reason he ran away was to as quick as possible be able to get your body back, before he died but now he just got to know that he isn't dying." Roy said.

Al stood there listening carefully, when the Colonel stopped talking Al was angry, sad and had a big mix of feelings inside.

"Stubborn Nii-san…" Al said with bitterness in his voice, "Didn't wanna worry me… Agh! He don't know how to do things the right way!"

"That's our Ed." Roy said and sighed.

'_Our Ed?' _Alphonse thought, it almost sounded like the Colonel was softening up when it came to Ed.

"Thank you for telling me this. Nii-san would never tell me." Al said and slightly bowed.

"No problem." Roy said as he and Hughes continued their walk back. Alphonse headed for Edward.

* * *

"Nii-san…" Alphonse said from the doorway, it looked like Ed was curled up into a ball under the covers, "Why didn't you tell me?" 

Edward gave no response from the bed.

"Come on Nii-san, don't ignore me, you can talk to me!" Al said in desperation.

"I'm sorry, Al… But I didn't wanna worry you…" Ed said and quietly sobbed, "… I was scared."

Al couldn't be angry at his brother at this moment, his brother who was curled up into a ball, sobbing… Scared of dying.

"Nii-san…" Al said and sat down beside Ed's bed and gave Ed a pat through the blanket.

"You should've told me, you don't have to carry those things alone."

Ed pulled down the blanket so his eyes could be seen. They were red and swollen from crying.

"Al… Do you hate me?" Ed asked with sadness in his voice.

"Why would I?" Al asked.

"I mean… All of this is my fault, I wouldn't blame you if you did hate me." He said with tears in his eyes.

Al sighed and gave Ed a gentle hug. Even if he's a big suit of metal armor it gave Ed comfort.

"I could never hate you." Al said.

"You don't?" Ed asked.

"There's nothing to hate you for, only that you didn't tell me about your feelings but that isn't enough to make me hate you." Al said, "I love you, Nii-san. And I'll always love you."

Tears rolled down Ed's face but he was smiling.

"I love you to Al… I'm sorry for being a jerk." He said and chuckled before he started to cough, he sank down in his bed again.

"After this… I promise I'll get your body back…" Ed said and took a deep breath.

"So long you don't get yourself sick again." Al said, "And don't do anything drastic."

"I would never do anything drastic." Ed said and smiled weakly, "I want to see your smile again… Promise me you'll smile." Ed said and felt how he started to fall in sleep.

"Promise…"

"I promise Nii-san." Al said and saw how Ed fell asleep.

Alphonse walked out from the room so quietly he could.

* * *

Down at the office's Roy sat at his desk and sighed. He spun around in his chair and groaned, he was terrible bored. 

"Sir, why don't you do your paperwork instead of spinning around?" 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye asked with hint annoyance in her voice.

Maybe because it was the 11th time she had heard a groan from Roy, in only 30 minutes.

"It's boring." He answered and spun around again.

"But that would at least give you something to do."

Roy muttered something again before he spun around for the 100th time. Hawkeye took a deep breath before pulling out her gun and she loaded it. Roy looked at her with a scared expression.

"Okay, I get it, I'll do my work!" Roy quickly said and started go through his bunch of papers.

He knew that Hawkeye happily would play target practice… With him as target and Hawkeye would never miss. Havoc smirked as he lit a cigarette.

"What are you smirking at?" Hawkeye asked, "You know you should do your work to."

Havoc looked at Hawkeye. She seemed to be rather annoyed so he decided to do his work.

"Women." He muttered before looking through some papers.

* * *

Four days went by and nothing in particular happened. Central HQ had become a very quiet and boring place since Edward got sick. Hawkeye had several times a day lost control and had forced herself to left the building to cool down before she actually would shot anyone. 

And Edward was getting mad at lying in a hospital be all days long. He still had a fever but his coughing was almost gone.

"Man… I wanna do something!" Ed said to himself and sighed.

'Hn… The doctor is probably on lunch now… Maybe I can sneak out.' He thought and put his ordinary clothes on.

"Better leave a note." Ed said to himself and wrote that he'd be back soon. Just in case the doctor would come back before him.

"This job hasn't been so boring since… never!" Havoc said and threw a ball of paper into the trashcan.

"I agree." Cain said and sighed.

"Hey, Colonel. Why don't we get any **real** jobs?" Havoc asked.

Roy didn't answer.

"Colonel?" Havoc looked at Roy who leaned his head in his right hand.

"Sir?" Hawkeye said carefully but she was also ignored.

"Is the morally bankrupt Colonel asleep at work?" A familiar voice said.

At same time Roy's eyes opened and he tried to focus his eyes on the figure at the door. Was it…?

"Edward?" Roy asked with a groggy voice.

"Hey Fullmetal, how are ya doing?" Havoc asked.

"Eh… Pretty fine." Ed said and looked around in the room, he shivered. "What's up with the gloomy atmosphere here?" Ed asked.

"You're supposed to be in the hospital wing until… Friday?" Roy said now looking a bit more alert.

"That's three more days in a completely white, boring, plain, bothering, smelly, mad, sick… Did I mention boring? …Well, and it's just so-"

Roy cut of Ed.

"I think we got it, Fullmetal." He said and sighed, "Big needs for a small boy."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE ONLY CAN BE SEEN THROUGH A MAGNIFYING GLASS!" Ed yelled.

"I didn't say anything about that, Pipsqueak." Roy said and smirked.

"I'M NOT AS SMALL AS YOU THINK!"

"I'm thinking... Smaller." Roy said, now grinning.

"I think Fullmetal is going to explode soon." Havoc said and snickered, "Finally some action."

Edward went red and was going to yell again but he was forced to put his hands on Roy's desk when he started to see black spots. Roy's eyes widened.

"Hey, Edward are you okay?" He asked and the others looked at him with concern in their eyes.

"Hmf, I've already told you I'm okay." Ed muttered.

"You look a bit pale." Hawkeye said.

"It's just the fever, the doctor said something about: Do not over do it, Edward." Ed said and sighed, the spots was gone.

"Back to bed Fullmetal." Roy said.

"Why?" Ed asked.

"Because I said so." Roy said, a hint of annoyance could be heard in his voice.

"And I should listen to you?" Ed asked.

"Don't forget that you're my subordinate."

"But I'm not on duty."

"That doesn't matter, back to bed, it's an order." Roy said and pointed against the door.

"Your orders have never stopped me from doing what I want before." Ed said and snorted.

Hawkeye sighed.

"They sound like a married couple." Havoc said and grinned.

"FINE!" Ed yelled, "I'll go back to that stupid bed, but I'm going to the library before!"

"That's a good dog." Roy said.

Edward glared daggers at Roy.

"There'll be a day when you'll forget to put on the leash." Ed said with a bitter voice as he left the room.

Roy sighed. "Teens, and their damn hormones." He said.

"I think you two are on the same level, Sir." Hawkeye said and smiled to herself.

"How should I take that?" Roy asked with a smirk playing on his lips.

* * *

_Hehe, well... That was Chapter 2... Please review  
Well, I myself don't think this chapter was so good but it's better than nothing, right?  
And you don't have to wait so long for chapter 3 since it's already finished, chapter 4 to!_

_Oh, almost forgot... If you wonder something you can mail me at fullmetal. Msn so you can add me if you want to ;P)_

_Have a good time!_


	3. Don't over do it

_A new fresh chapter of Love and Despise to all of you!  
When I saw that people keep reviewing I thought that I would be nice and put out a new chapter... And as you see I did!  
Please enjoy while reading!  
(One more... I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and I'll never do...)_

_Here's chapter 3!

* * *

_

Ed sighed as he stood in the library and tried to reach a book. It was at the highest shelf.

"Damn, why must everything I want to read be at the highest shelf!" Ed said loudly and tried to jump to get the book, without succes.

"The military isn't meant to have young kids like you in it." Hughes said from behind, helooked rather amused.

"I've noticed." Ed muttered.

"Which book is it?" Hughes asked.

"Alchemy – The Forbidden Science." Ed said and pointed at a book.

Hughes took out the book and gave it to Ed.

"There you go!" He said and smiled.

"Thanks."

"So, you're already free from bed?" Hughes asked.

"Not really, I sneaked out and that bastard Colonel ordered me to get back." Ed said and sighed, "I'll never recover, I swear it's the room which makes me sick!"

Hughes chuckled.

"Just hold on, you'll soon be out." He said, "See you in a few days then?"

"I guess." Ed said and waved as he left the library and got back to the hospital room.

* * *

He sighed when he saw that the doctor was back.

"Edward Elric! I told you to not run away like that again!" The doctor roared.

"I only got a book from the library." He said to defend himself.

"That doesn't change that you can't get up from bed!" The doctor almost dragged Edward back to bed.

"Next time you want something ask someone about it!"

Ed let out sigh as he lay down in bed and opened the book. It was about human transmutation and other forbidden sciences in alchemy. Maybe he could learn something new.

* * *

Ed turned his head and looked at the door as a head peeked in.

"Nii-san, how are you doing?" Al asked.

Ed smiled as his brother came up to him.

"I'm fine. Finally somebody who comes to visit me, I'm almost bored to death!" He said and grinned.

"I heard you paid the others a visit." Al said and sat down.

"Yeah but I was sent away." He muttered, "Damn Colonel."

Al chuckled.

"You know he only wants you to get better fast." Al said.

"Yeah, so I can start doing his dirty work again."

"Come on Nii-san, don't be so pessimistic."

"Wee! Life is smiling down at me!" Edward said with fake happiness, "Better?"

Al sighed and shook his head.

"You'll never change." He said.

"Nah, that's why everybody loves me." Ed said and grinned.

"Really?" Al said and smirked, at least it sounded like he smirked.

"Well, what have you been up with?" Ed asked andput his book down.

"Not much… Most time I've been in the library." Alphonse said and sighed, "But I haven't got anything out from it."

"Come on, who told me to not be pessimistic?" Ed said and smiled, "You must at least have earned unnecessary knowledge?"

"If you put it that way…" Al said and chuckled.

Suddenly the door opened.

"Time for medication." The doctor said from the doorway.

"What do ya mean medication?" Ed asked.

"I've analysed your blood and it seem you have a pretty aggressive pneumonia, not life threatening though." The doctor explained, "So we'll let you out on Friday but you have to take medicine three weeks after."

"Well, guess I can take that." Ed muttered and looked at the doctor who took out a shot. Ed stared at him with terror in his eyes.

"You aren't… gonna use that on me, right?" Ed asked in panic.

"Why would I else have it here?" The doctor asked and frowned.

"I don't need it!" Ed said and waved with his arms, "I'm feeling perfectly fine!"

The doctor sighed and looked at Alphonse.

"Can you hold him if he tries to run?" He asked.

Al nodded and looked at Ed who already was up from bed, ready to run.

"No way!" He yelled and ran for the door but Al grabbed him.

"LET ME GO!" Ed shouted, "HOW CAN YOU DO THIS, ALPHONSE?"

"It's for your own good Nii-san." Al said and dragged Ed up to his lap and held him still.

"LET GO OR I'LL TURN YOU INTO A TRASH CAN!" Ed yelled at top of his lungs.

"You don't mean that!" Alphonse said.

"WANNA PROVE ME WRONG!" Ed yelled and twirled.

"Done." The doctor said and at the same time Al let go of Ed.

"See? That wasn't so bad was it?" Al said.

"It's done?" Ed asked and Al nodded.

The doctor smirked as he picked up a small box and gave it to Ed.

"That's your medication, start with taking one tonight before you goes to sleep. Then continue about three weeks taking one in the morning and one in the evening." The doctor said and headed for the door.

"…Thanks." Ed mumbled.

"Nii-san, you're hopeless." Al said and chuckled, "Can't even handle a shot."

"It's the devil's work!" Ed said and shivered, "Which human in his right mind would like to get a needle in his arm?"

Al sighed and shook his head. Nope, his brother would never change.

* * *

Days went past in different speed for everyone. Ed's days went by terrible slowly. The Colonel's days went by terrible slowly. 1st Lieutenant Hawkeye's days went by terrible slowly. Okay, everybody's days went by slowly. It was like a chain-reaction.

First Ed's sickness, then Roy's boredom which almost got Hawkeye mad, then Havoc who almost got depressed since everybody else was so grumpy. And at last Fuery and Bredawho was too scared to say anything totheir gloomy companions.

Finally the day came. It was Friday and most people in the military had been waiting for Edward Elric's return. But why didn't he come? It was 10 am and Edward would usually start 9.30 am. And nobody believed that Edward actually enjoyed being in the hospital wing.

"Where the hell is he?" Roy muttered, "He has been waiting the whole week to get back and now he's late."

"Shall I go and get him?" Havoc asked.

Roy hadn't time to answer before someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." He said.

Alphonse came in.

"Excuse me Colonel, but I think it'll take Nii-san a while to come here..." Al said and sighed.

"Why?" Roy asked with hint of curiosity.

"His new medicine makes him throw up after taking it." Alphonse explained, "And since he needs to take it every morning I guess he'll be late for a while."

"Where's he now?" Roy asked.

"Eh… Probably in the bathroom in the hospital wing." Al said

With that the Colonel was up on his legs and he was heading out from the room. He went to the hospital wing and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Fullmetal?" He said lowly as he put his ear against the door to see if he could hear anything.

The Colonel pulled the handle on the door down and stepped in. Edward was sitting bent over the toilet holding his hair back as he threw up.

"You okay?" The Colonel asked.

"Hell yeah, why would I else be sitting here?" Ed asked ironically.

"Bad medication?" Roy asked not caring about Ed's comment.

"Yeah, I don't see why I should take the crap." Ed muttered, "I'll only throw it up anyway."

Ed took a deep breath before throwing up the last of his stomach contents.

"I can't even keep the damn food down." He said and flushed the toilet, "And still the doctor insist that I'll eat."

"You don't need to go to work now if you don't feel to." Roy said, "I can make your vacation last longer."

"No way, I'll be back in a minute!" Edward said and turned his head to look at Mustang, this sudden move made him bend over the toilet again. "Anytime…"

"Take your time." Mustang said as he left the bathroom.

He sighed, Fullmetal could be so stubborn sometimes. The Colonel shrugged and went back to the office.

* * *

"Did ya find him?" Havoc asked and blew out smoke.

"Yeah I did, but I think it'll take a while before we get to see--" Suddenly Roy got cut of by someone who entered the office.

"Back in business!" Edward said from the doorway, "Missed me?" He grinned.

"Welcome back Edward." Hawkeye said and smiled.

"--him." Roy ended his sentence, "I never thought you'd get back in such a **short** matter of time."

Edward was going to yell his lungs out before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Remember what the doctor said, Nii-san?" Al said and sighed, "Don't overdo it, Edward."

Ed clenched his fists and forced himself to calm down.

"You're so dead after this, Colonel." He growled and sat down at his desk, there was a HUGE pile of paper work in front of him, actually so high that Edward almost couldn't be seen behind it.

"I never thought I would be able to say this literally but…" Before Roy continued his sentence Al decided to cover Ed's ears, "… It's hard to see you behind all that paperwork."

"Please Colonel, try to not do that for now!" Al begged.

Edward knew that Mustang probably had said something to insult him about his height, but he didn't care since he hadn't heard.

Mustang shrugged, "Sure, I'll do my best."

Alphonse thanked and uncovered Ed's ears. Ed had already started to look through papers and he scribbled down a few lines on some of them.

"You can go and do something Al, I've work to 6pm." Ed said and smiled, "Can see each other around 13pm?"

"Okay! Outside our room?" Al asked.

"Sure." Ed said, "See ya."

With that Alphonse walked out from the office and left it in an uncomfortable silence, only the sounds of turning papers and Ed's writing could be heard. Havoc sighed and turned back to his own work.

'Man, and I thought this place would get fun again!' He thought.

But it didn't take to long for next person to enter the office.

"Colonel Mustang, excuse me for intruding like this…" Bloch said nervously from the doorway.

"Huh, what is it?" Roy asked.

"Scar has been spotted here in Central, we've found the Earth Alchemist… dead." He said lowly.

"Damn!" Roy yelled, "So he's coming after us again!"

Edward lifted up his head to listen.

"Scar… I'd love to see him squirm in pain, begging for mercy." Edward said out loud with hate in his voice. '_I'll never forgive him for what he did to Al._'

Roy turned his head to Ed.

"Don't get out after him, that's an order, Fullmetal." He said, "We don't need more deaths."

Ed snorted. "I'll let him come to me." He said, "That's what he does, he's going to kill us one by one until someone kills him, or chops that arm of."

Roy glared at Ed before turning to Bloch again.

"Where's the crime scene?" He asked.

"2nd branch library." Bloch said.

"2nd branch!" Ed shouted.

"Y-yeah!"

"Damn it, Alphonse!" Ed shouted and stood up. _'Damn, damn, damn, he told me he spent most time in the library!'_

"Fullmetal, you're NOT going out from that door!" Roy said with a dangerous voice. But Edward Elric had never cared about the Colonel's orders and would never do. But theoretical didn't he go against the orders, he RAN out of the door, he didn't GO out.

* * *

_That was chapter 3  
I really hope you liked it, please review!_

_I've noticed that everytime I tries to write my mail here it'll disappear... But well, you can find it on my info page _

_I'll publish chapter 4 soon!_


	4. Meeting an old friend

_Here's chapter 4 of Love and Despise!  
I would have published it earlier but I couldn't use my floppy disk on that computer since it doesn't have a floppy disk driver (Or what it is called -.-)  
Once more **I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist and I'll never do.**_

_Please read and rewiew!

* * *

_

"Alphonse!" Edward yelled as he ran through HQ, "AL!" 

He looked around but there was no Alphonse. Ed turned to run against the library and right when he turned he bumped right into something hard and cold.

"Nii-san! I thought I heard your voice." Al said and helped Ed up from the floor.

"Thank God I found you." Ed said and took a deep breath before he started explain.

"Scar has been spotted around the 2nd branch, he just killed the Earth Alchemist…" Ed told Al, "I was scared he might kidnap you or something."

"What!" Al yelped at the thought.

"Please don't go away without someone, okay?" Ed asked.

"Sure, I was on my way back to our room so I wont go anywhere!" Alphonse said and gave Ed a pat on his back. "Thanks for telling me, Nii-san."

"Don't mention it, we don't wanna look like we did last time, right?" Ed said and grinned.

"No way! That was terrible!" Al said.

"Well, well. I must go back to work, or Mustang will torch me." Ed said and scratched his head, "13 pm then!" He said and started head back as he waved to Al.

"I'll be waiting!" Al yelled back to Ed before he disappeared behind a corner.

* * *

Ed took a deep breath and walked into the office as nothing had happened. Mustang had a very angry face expression.

"Elric, you didn't obey my orders." Mustang said so normal he could, trying to control his anger.

"What?" Ed said with a slight smirk on his face.

"I told you to not leave the office!" Mustang now yelled.

"Sorry Colonel, but I thought you said: You're not _going_ out from that door, Fullmetal!" Ed said and grinned, "I didn't _go_ out, I _ran_ out. So technically I didn't do anything wrong." He said and looked up in the ceiling.

"And you didn't tell me it was an order…"

"I can't tell how much I've missed you Edo!" Havoc said and grinned.

'This can't end up good…' Hawkeye thought and sighed.

"FULLMETAL! You knew damn well that I meant it as an order!" Roy yelled, "Take some responsibility for once!"

Ed turned serious.

"Mustang, I took my responsibility, as an older brother." Ed said, "Since I'm his only relative he's my responsible, I can honestly say that I'd rather throw away my State Alchemist watch than stay in here when Al could be in danger. He's my priority nr1."

Ed took a short pause.

"And since I'm here to regain Al's body it would be pretty stupid to be here if Scar blew him into pieces. Scar was only three centimetres from the seal last time, a little bit more to the right and…" Ed went silent and sat down. "I won't risk Al's life like that again. Never."

Roy stared at Ed in slight shock and surprise. He had never seen the young alchemist act so adult. He let his air out and took in a new breath.

"Sorry Edward, maybe I overdid it." Mustang said from his chair.

Hawkeye stared at Roy in shock. Had the Colonel apologised to one of subordinates, and confessed that he went over the line? That wasn't the Roy Mustang she knew.

Edward just nodded to show that he had heard. He had a little sad smile on his lips.

"I'm sorry to." He said and started on his pile of papers again.

'He has really gone through a lot, his father leaves, his mother dies, he almost lost his brother and himself, he raises his brother… Cares for his brother…' Mustang thought as he watched Ed, 'A kid at his age is supposed to be out having fun, not being out in war…' He sighed. But what could he do about Ed's problems?

"Sir… What about Scar, and the crime scene?" Hawkeye asked.

"Darn! I forgot, let's get going." Roy said and stood up, "Havoc, Breda, let's go… Edward?" Roy looked at Ed.

"I'll stay here."

Roy nodded. "We'll come back later."

"See you later." Ed answered as they left him completely alone, except Black Hayate.

Ed looked down at the dog.

"That's pretty ironic… You really are a dog of the military." Ed said and scratched Hayate behind his ear, "While the people cuddle with you, they despise me…"

Hayate licked Ed's hand and rubbed his head against Ed's leg.

"Wanna come up?" He asked and lifted up the dog in his lap.

Hayate curled up into a ball and laid down, Ed smiled as he continued with his work.

* * *

"We're back, Fullmetal." Roy muttered as he walked in with his subordinates.

Edward was half lying in his chair with Hayate in his lap. His eyes flew open when he heard Roy's voice.

"…!" Ed didn't get out a sound since Hayate got up and licked him in his face as to say good morning!

"Ugh, Hayate…" Ed growled and held up the dog to get him stop licking.

"Looks like Edo made a new friend." Havoc said and chuckled.

"Dogs are pack animals so I guess that's a good match." Mustang said with a smirk on his face, "So Fullmetal, what did you say a couple of days ago about sleeping at work?"

"I wasn't sleeping!" Ed said to defend himself, "I just… rested my eyes!"

"Sure Edo, whatever you say." Havoc said and laughed.

"So… Did you find something out?" Ed asked to change subject.

"Not really." Mustang said and sighed, "Only the usual, blown up from inside."

"That damn bastard." Ed muttered, "He's killing us because we use alchemy and then he uses it to kill us!"

"He does?" Fury asked.

"Yeah, alchemy is three steps." Ed explained, "1. Creation (Analyze?) 2.Destruction 3.Re-creation… Scar stops at step 2 and in that way he finds a loophole, but it's still alchemy!"

Roy sat down in his chair and sighed.

"Well, not much to do about him now, we have troops who're out looking for him." Roy said.

"To make it look good or what?" Ed asked and snorted.

"What do ya mean?" Havoc asked.

"Troops hasn't stopped him before. We've to hope that they'll come back alive." Ed muttered.

The five soldiers in the room looked at each other before getting back to work.

* * *

About 1 week went by pretty fast with no signs of Scar, Ed had been sitting at his desk all the time and was now happy that he would be able to leave Central and start searching after the Philosopher's Stone again.

"Maybe we'll find something new this time…" Ed said as he packed down some clothes in a suitcase.

"Yeah! I've a good feeling about going to West city." Al said with a happy voice.

"Finally we get to travel again!" Edward said and stretched out his back.

"We just need to get by Mustang's office at first!" Ed said pretty joyfully.

"You sound happy about going to see the Colonel, have you started to get along?" Al asked.

"What! N-no way!" Ed stuttered out and blushed, "I'm just happy that we gets away from him!"

"Ha ha!" Al laughed, "That expression on your face was priceless."

"Very funny." Ed muttered and grabbed his suitcase, "Ready to go?"

Al nodded and followed Ed to Mustang's office.

* * *

"Colonel, we just came to say that we're leaving for West City now." Ed said as he watched Roy move across the room.

"When will you come back to report?" Roy asked.

"Er… Don't know, it depends on if we'll find anything." Ed said, "But let's say… 1-2 weeks."

"Then I'll expect you to come in 1-2 weeks." Roy said and smirked, "And don't get yourselves into trouble again, the military will be the ones paying for it."

"We'll stay out of trouble." Al said.

"Yeah." Ed said, "Well, see ya!"

"Good luck." Roy said as he saw how the young alchemist left his room with his brother after. 'Come back in one piece this time...'

* * *

"Nii-san! Wait a moment!" Al shouted and ran after Ed.

"Huh?" Ed said and turned around, "Am I that fast?"

Ed chuckled and scratched his head. "Guess I'm a bit overexcited."

"So when does the train leave?" Al asked.

"About 30 minutes if I'm right." Ed said and looked at his watch, "Let's see… Yep, it leaves 13.pm."

"Okay!" Al said as they walked against the train station.

* * *

Roy sighed, it was about 1 hour since Edward had left and the office already felt empty.

'No Fullmetal in weeks... I'll miss his shouting.' Roy thought and threw a look out through the window. 'He's pretty cute when he's angry.'

"What am I thinking!" Roy asked himself out loud and hit himself, which made his companions look at him with questioning expressions.

"Something wrong, Colonel?" Hawkeye asked.

"No! It's nothing, just thinking out loud!" Roy said and waved his arms with a goofy face expression.

"Sure about that, sir?" Havoc asked and smirked at Roy's reaction.

"Really, I'm fine." Roy said and sighed. 'I must have a serious brain damage or something, me miss Fullmetal? That's ridiculous!'

* * *

At the same time was the two Elric brothers' sitting on a train to West City, Ed was in deep thoughts as he watched the landscape.

'Why can't I get him out of my head?' Ed thought as he looked out from the window, 'All I can think of is him and his smirk... There's something special about him...'

'Something special about the Colonel! I must be in a big need of fresh air or something! The only special about him is that he's bastard!' Ed thought and shook his head. He opened up the window a bit.

"Are you okay, Nii-san?" Al asked.

"I'm fine, I just need some fresh air!" Ed said and smiled.

"Good." Al said, "It'll take about 5 hours to get there, right?"

"You're right." Ed said and yawned, "I think I'll get some sleep, can you wake me up in four hours?"

"Sure, sleep well." Al said.

"Thanks." Ed said before he laid down and closed his eyes, the last thing he saw before he fell asleep was the smirk of Roy Mustang.

But Edwards sleep didn't last long.

About an hour later was he forcefully awaked by a loud crash. The train slowed down and then stood still.

"What the hell was that!" Ed yelled as he sat up.

"I've no idea!" Al said and looked around. The other people in the train looked as confused as Alphonse felt.

Suddenly a door in the train opened up and a man stepped in. He walked against Ed and Al.

"Fullmetal you're not getting away alive this time." The man said as he reached out his right arm.

"Scar." Ed said and got up in fighting position.

* * *

_I'm not sure that I was right about the three steps of alchemy, please tell me if I was wrong, it was a while since I read or watched Fma. _

I wanna than everybody who has read this story and a special thank to my reviewers!

Have a good time!


	5. Dead?

_Here's chapter 5!  
Please read and review because I want to know what you think about it.  
__**(I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist and I'll never do, even if I'd like to...)  
**Enjoy your reading! _:D

* * *

"This time there's no military here to stop me from finishing you of!" Scar said and came closer.

"You who are afraid of your lives should get out now." Scar said coldly to the people in the train. Everybody left quickly.

'Darn! Why now!' Ed thought and transmuted his automail arm into a blade.

"I don't have time for this crap!" Ed yelled, "You're not going to stop us from getting to our destination!"

"I'll help you join the Philosopher Alchemist." Scar said coldly.

Ed's eyes widened. 'How did he now?'

"Y-you… killed him?" Ed asked.

"I sent him back to God for he had sinned." Scar said, "And you'll join him soon."

Ed wanted to throw up. The Philosopher Alchemist was the only state alchemist who seemed to have had real life experiences with the Philosophers' Stone. The one who could have helped them get a step closer the real thing, a step closer to their goal.

And now he was dead.

"Nii-san!" Al shouted and pulled Ed away from Scar just as he was going to attack.

Ed didn't hear Al and he didn't feel how he was pulled back, he was in shock. 'How are we going to do this now?'

"Alphonse Elric, you aren't the one I'm after, leave and I'll let you live but you can't change that your brother have sinned." Scar said.

'That was our only lead…'

"I won't let you kill my brother!" Al shouted and shook Ed, "Nii-san!"

'What can we do? Are we going to be like this forever?'

"Then you'll follow same path as him." Scar said before launching another attack at them but Al was faster to pull a move. He took Ed in his arms and ran.

"Nii-san! You have to snap out of this!" Al muttered as he ran through the train with Scar after him.

* * *

Roy Mustang was sitting at his desk still thinking of Edward Elric when the phone rang. Hawkeye answered the phone.

"Col. Roy Mustang's office, Lt. Riza Hawkeye speaking." She answered, Roy looked up her.

There was a silent moment before Hawkeye spoke again.

"Okay, I'll tell him…" She said and looked worried, Roy frowned when he saw her expression.

"What!" She yelled, "Where is it?"

Now Roy looked worried. 'Can it be him? … No it can't be Fullmetal, even he doesn't screw up after just a couple of hours!

Hawkeye was silent for a while before she spoke. "We'll be there."

She put the phone down and looked at Roy.

"Lieutenant?" He said with a questioningly look on his face.

"First of all… The Philosopher Alchemist has been killed… By Scar." Hawkeye said.

"What!" Roy said and gasped.

"That's not all…" Hawkeye said and now she looked worried, "The train to West City has been stopped and people have said that it was a man with an X-shaped scar on his forehead who stopped it."

"Darn!" Roy said and got up from his chair, "Where is it?"

"Two hours train ride away from here." Hawkeye said.

"Bring the car, we're going to get Fullmetal and Alphonse!" He said.

"Yes, sir!" Hawkeye said and saluted before she walked out with the Colonel after.

Outside the office Roy stopped his movements and looked around at his subordinates.

"I want all of you who aren't going on an important assignment with me." Roy said, a lot of people stood up.

"Get into cars and follow me and Hawkeye." He said.

"Yes, sir!" About 20 soldiers answered him.

"Havoc, you come with us." Roy said as he walked out, Havoc followed him.

"Sure, sir." Havoc said before he threw his cigarette away and got into the same car as Roy and Hawkeye.

* * *

Alphonse was at the end of the train, he had been running for a long time, dodging attacks and now he realized that he had came to a dead end.

"Oh no!" He said and desperately looked around for an exit but he didn't find anything, he could see Scar come running against him and Ed from the back of the train.

"What would Nii-san do?" Alphonse asked himself.

Then Alphonse got an idea, for a moment he put Ed down and as fast as he could he drew a transmutation circle and made a wall in front of him.

'That'll at least give us some time!' Al thought and drew another transmutation circle on the wall behind him.

Scar let out a cold laugh at the wall that had appeared in front of him.

"You should know that a wall won't stop me." Scar said before putting his hand on the wall. The wall was destroyed within a few seconds but what he was looking for wasn't there.

"I guess I underestimated you Alphonse Elric…" Scar muttered when he saw a hole in the wall, "But that only bought you and your brother more time."

Alphonse Elric wasn't maybe a genius as his brother but he was more clever than most 14 year old kids usually was.

Scar looked out from the hole but he didn't see any signs of the alchemist and his armored brother.

"There'll be one day when your brother isn't there Fullmetal Alchemist." Scar muttered as he jumped of the train and walked against West City again.

Alphonse was at the other side of the train and saw how Scar walked away.

'I must get Nii-san back to Central… He's still in shock.' Al thought as he saw his brother.

Ed had an empty look on his face, like he was in another world.

'Dead… Our only lead… Dead…' Ed thought, not hearing or feeling anything than his own voice in his head.

Alphonse looked at Ed for a short while before he sighed and picked him up and started walk against central.

* * *

"How long time have we been driving?" Roy asked Hawkeye in a stressed voice.

"About 1 hour and 40 minutes, sir." She answered with her eyes fixed on the road, she drove as fast as she dared to do.

Roy muttered something and then turned to look out from the window.

'What is that?' Roy thought and looked out from the window, 'Can it be..?'

"Lieutenant! Stop the car!" Roy yelled and as fast as she stopped he was out and ran against something big that was moving towards them.

Yep, sure it was them, Alphonse was coming closer with his brother in his arms.

'God! Let him be okay, let him be okay!' Roy desperately thought as he came up to Al.

"Colonel!" Al said happily, "I'm so happy that you're here!"

"Alphonse, what happened? Is Ed okay?" Roy asked and looked at Edward.

"It was Scar, he was coming after Nii-san again…" Al said with a sad voice, "And I don't know if he's okay… I think he's in shock after Scar told us about the Philosopher Alchemist."

"Dead…" Ed mumbled.

'At least he isn't hurt physically.' Roy thought and sighed.

"Come, we'll get back to Central." Roy said softly as he and Alphonse walked against Hawkeye and Havoc.

The other cars had stopped behind Hawkeye's car.

"Keep going to the train!" Roy ordered the other cars, "Try to see if you can find some leads on Scar there, and question the people who was there."

Roy opened the door to the car.

'Lucky we took the big car…' Roy thought as Al got in and sat Ed down beside him, then the Colonel placed himself to Ed's left.

"Alphonse!" Hawkeye said from the driver seat, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine but I think Nii-san is in shock…" Alphonse said and looked at Ed who still had that blank expression on his face.

"Huh, what happened to make Edo that shocked?" Havoc asked, at the same time Hawkeye started the car and they began their ride home.

"Scar told us that he had killed the Philosopher Alchemist… It was our only lead…" Al said and sighed, "We're back at-"

"Step one…" Ed mumbled, "Damn it…"

"Fullmetal? Are you with us?" Roy asked.

"Nii-san!"

Ed buried his face in his hands.

"Damn it. Damn it! DAMN IT!" He yelled, "Darn!"

Roy put his hand on Ed's shoulder, Ed stiffened.

"It will come up new leads, trust me." Roy said and gave Ed a gentle pat on his head.

'I've never seen him act like this towards Edward.' Hawkeye thought and threw a look back.

"Nii-san, are you okay?" Al asked, not sure if Ed still was in his mind or with them.

"I should've killed that bastard… I should've…" Ed said but suddenly he remembered that the last thing he could remember was Scar talking about the Philosopher Alchemist.

"Alphonse, what happened?" Ed asked lowly.

"You went into some kind of autistic state after what Scar told us." Al said, "So I took you and ran for it until I met up with the Colonel."

"Darn, I should be able to handle things like that, he could've killed you…" Ed muttered.

"Nii-san it's okay." Al said and gave Ed a pat on his back.

"No it's not!" Ed said, "I shouldn't have reacted that way, I've heard much worse things in my life than the death of someone I don't know!"

"It's a natural reaction." Roy said calmly.

"Since when do you know about autism?" Ed asked and snorted.

"I've been in the same state." Roy said lowly, his eyes were filled with sorrow.

* * *

**Flash back**

A 20 year old Roy Mustang was sitting in a tent and he tensed at every sound he heard. He had his legs pulled up to his chest, he sat and mumbled sentences without any meanings.

"Dying… They're dying…"He mumbled as he rocked himself.

"Roy?" A 22 year old Maes Hughes said and came up to him, "Are you okay?"

"Death…" Roy mumbled as his worried friend lightly shook him.

"Roy! Snap out from it!" Hughes said but Roy gave no response to this.

Hughes lent in to Roy and gave him a comforting hug.

"It'll be over soon, everything will be okay…" Hughes mumbled and patted Roy's back.

"Maes… Will this ever end?" Roy asked in a weak voice.

"It will end… Just let it take its time…"

**End of flash back**

* * *

"Maes…" Roy mumbled. 'I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you…'

Ed was about to ask Roy what he meant but guessed it was something private.

"Natural reaction or not… I shouldn't have reacted like that…" Ed muttered.

"It's a long ride back." Roy said to change subject. "Why don't you get some sleep while you can."

Ed muttered something but it didn't take him long time to fall asleep from bore and tiredness.

Al sighed. 'Stubborn Nii-san, always caring more about others than himself… Sure it's a good thing but he's really careless when it comes to himself.'

"That was a very short trip for ya, right?" Havoc asked.

"Guess so…" Al said and sighed.

* * *

Everybody was silent since Ed was asleep, he had been sleeping for an hour.

Suddenly Ed's head dropped down on Roy's shoulder.

Roy twitched as he felt something at his shoulder, he looked down to see Edward head rest there.

Roy was on his way to blush but he controlled himself since he knew it would only feel more awkward than it already was.

'He's a lot cuter asleep than angry…' Roy thought and smiled down at Ed.

Roy didn't deny his feelings this time, he knew it was something special about Edward that made him feel warm inside.

'Is it love?' He thought, 'No, I can't be in love with Edward…'

Ed mumbled something inaudible and cuddled up closer to Roy, he put his arms around Roy's right arm.

Roy could feel how his ears turned hot and he just hoped that the others in the car wouldn't notice him, Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist was blushing.

"Warm…" Ed mumbled in his sleep and it made Roy blush even more.

Al was looking at the Colonel and he smiled to himself, they looked pretty cute together.

'I think Roy and Ed likes each other more than they dare to admit.' Al thought.

It was an awkward silence in the car through the whole ride back to Central, the only sound that could be heard was Ed's light snoring and sometimes mumbling.

Roy's right arm was numb since Edward had been sleeping on it for about an hour. But he didn't move since he didn't wanna wake up Edward.

"Hawkeye, back soon?" Roy asked as quiet he could.

"Only a couple of minutes left." She answered and smiled to herself, it was a pity that they'd have to wake Edward up. He looked so cute when he slept on the Colonel like that and she doubted she'd see it again.

* * *

Roy took a deep breath as Hawkeye parked the car outside Central HQ.

"Hey, Fullmetal…" He said and shook Ed lightly.

Ed groaned and hugged Roy's arm tighter.

"Time to get up Fullmetal, we're back at Central." Roy said and shook Ed more.

"5 more minutes…" Ed mumbled.

"Edward!" Roy said louder this time and put a hand on his shoulder.

Ed yawned and opened his eyes, he looked up at Roy and his face turned to the same red as his trench coat when he saw who it was. 'Oh hell!'

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ed yelled as he blushed.

"Nii-san!"

"Well, sorry for letting you sleep!" Roy said and glared at Ed as he got out from the car, "Can you tell me what I did?"

"You… you!" Ed said and then kicked the ground in frustration.

"Short on words, pipsqueak?" Roy asked, his usual smirk was once more playing on his face.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE NEEDTO YELL TO BE HEARD!" Ed shouted at the Colonel.

Havoc chuckled. Alphonse and Hawkeye sighed.

"Nii-san he didn't say anything of that!" Al said and sighed.

"He was thinking it!" Ed said and headed in to the building.

'If he always was as peaceful as when he's asleep.' Roy thought and sighed.

'Darn, I forgot that we're out of leads…' Ed thought, 'And by knowing Mustang and Hughes they won't allow us to get out when Scar's after me.'

"What's on your mind?" Al asked Ed.

"We're out of leads… I think this is the first time I don't have a clue about what to do…" Ed muttered.

"Maybe we should take a pause and think about it?" Al purposed.

"But that's what we've been doing all the time…" Ed said, "I think I've read every alchemy book in Central!"

"Aren't you a bit drastic?" Roy asked.

"What do you mean?" Ed muttered as Roy stepped up between Ed and Al.

"I mean that the Philosopher Alchemist probably had research in papers to." Roy said.

"Damn it! You're right! We must get back!" Ed yelled, "How could I be so damn stupid!"

"Don't worry about that, my men are there and they'll bring everything they find." Roy said, "And I wouldn't let you go back there when Scar's after you."

"Just as I thought." Ed muttered. 'I and Al can take car of ourselves...'

"Did you say something?" Roy asked.

"Nothing." Ed said with a little smile on his face.

'But I can't help to feel a bit happy... To be with him again.' He thought before he entered the office.

* * *

_So what did you think about Chapter 5? (Personally I think the other chapters are better...)  
Hm, I think I should name the chapters!  
Well, thanks for reading and please review so I get your opinion of my story!_

_Written: 10/4 -06 by Fullsteel_


	6. Check mate

_I'm sorry for taking so long time with this part! Gomen nasai!  
I have had so much to do in school but it's soon over. (Thank God for summer vacation!)  
But now it's finally here, Love and Despise Chapter 6!  
Read and review!_

(I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and I'll never own it... It's a pity...)

* * *

Ed let out a deep sigh. He was lying in his bed and just staring up at the fan.

"Nii-san, we have been here for 20 minutes and you are already restless!" Al said and put down his book, maybe because it was about the 10th time Ed had sighed in a short time.

"But I want to read the Philosopher's research... now!" Ed whined, this time Al was the one who sighed.

"You know it can take about 6 hours for the soldiers to come back, or even more!" Al said, "If you really are that bored go an see the Colonel or something... Wait, bad idea-"

"Hey, I think I will do that..." Ed said and sat up, his eyes were still fixed on the fan.

"What?" Al said, was it really Ed who spoke?

"I'll go see Mustang." Ed said and put on his boots, "Do you wanna come?"

Alphonse stared at Ed like he was an alien from outer space.

"No... I'll stay. Reading..." Al said, still staring at Ed.

Ed nodded and headed towards the door, "Then I'll see you later!"

Al didn't answer as he watched Ed leave. Since when did Ed like going to see Roy Mustang, one of his "enemies"?

"He has been acting pretty odd... Could it...? No it couldn't have been Envy!" Al said loudly to himself, "No Al, now you are just being paranoid!"

Alphonse sighed as he picked up his book again and tried to shrug of Ed's odd behaviour.

* * *

When Ed closed the door after him he started walk through Central HQ, strangely pretty happy if you think about the circumstances. Ed and Al's only lead was dead and yet was Edward Elric happily walking towards Roy Mustang's office.

Edward. _Happy._ Mustang. Those words didn't fit together, not even in Ed's mind.

'Hmf, I'm feeling that weird about Mustang again, why?' Ed thought and frowned.

Ed shrugged it of and right when he was going to turn right he crashed right into someone. And if it wasn't enough just crashing into someone, he also fell upon the person and they landed in a very awkward position.

Ed lifted his head from the blue uniform and he immediately started to blush furiously when he saw that the certain 'someone' was no other than Roy Mustang!

"Mu-Mu-Mu-Mustang!" Ed stuttered out, his face was only centimetres apart from Roy's.

"Now, now, Edward. I know that I'm attractive but there's no need to be that straight forward." Roy said after collecting himself, with his usual smirk on place.

"I...! You! ...Agh!" Ed let out as he pushed himself of Roy, still blushing like never before.

"Don't forget to breath, Edward." Roy said and chuckled at Ed who almost turned blue instead of red.

Ed muttered something as both he and Roy got up from the floor.

"So where were you heading?" Roy asked after dusting himself of.

"To your office." Ed mumbled.

"How fitting, right where I'm going." Roy said.

"Er... Why were you heading the other way then?" Ed asked and frowned.

"I... I thought I heard something from this corridor... So I thought I'd check it up." Roy said a bit unsure of himself, 'How would it sound if I told him that I was on my way to him?'

"Okay." Ed said as he eyed Mustang.

"Well, why are we standing here then?" Roy asked and started to walk, Edward followed him.

"Have a seat." Roy said as he sat down at his desk.

"Thanks." Ed said as he sat down in one of the leather couches in the office.

"So why were you heading here?" Roy asked as he lent a bit forward.

Ed opened his mouth but no words came out. How stupid wouldn't it sound if he said that he just wanted to see Roy?

"... I was bored and... I wondered when the soldiers will be back... With the research." Ed said and scratched his head, it wasn't the best excuse he had came up with.

'He's so cute when he looks like that.' Roy thought as he looked at Ed, 'No, not those thoughts again! Go away!'

"If I didn't know better I would think you had a crush on me." Roy said with a smug look on his face.

"WHAT!" Ed shrieked and went tomato red.

"You said you were bored and decided to come here, why would yo-"

"THAT'S CRAZY! I... I!"

"Ed-Edward... Calm down, I wasn't serious!" Roy said through a laughing fit.

Edward was blushing like hell as he watched Roy laugh his ass of. He had never seen Roy laugh like that.

"I-I'm sorry, but your reaction... it was priceless!" Roy said and let out a deep sigh, a smile played on his lips.

"I don't see anything funny in it!" Ed said loudly and crossed his arms over his chest.

Then they got interrupted by Hawkeye who entered, she had a confused look on her face but she didn't ask anything.

"Excuse me, Colonel..." She said and eyed the blsuhing Ed and the still chuckling Colonel.

"What is it 1st Lieutenant?" Royasked and wiped away a tear from his eye.

"I'm just here to inform you that the soldiers will be back in 4 hours, sir." She said.

"Just 4 hours?" Ed asked and Hawkeye nodded.

"Thanks for the information, Hawkeye, you're dismissed." Roy said and gave her a short smile before she saluted and left his office.

"Well, Edward." Roy said, "One of the things is solved, what about the bored part?"

"4 hours..." Ed muttered, "And nothing to do."

"Chess?" Roy asked.

"What?"

"Do you wanna play chess?" Roy asked and smirked, "The winner gets a wish from the other."

"I'm on it!" Ed said and sat down in front of Roy's desk.  
The game had started.

Two hours later of intensive chess playing Ed only had the king left, he was surrounded by Roy. Ed groaned as he moved his king a step forward and Roy smirked as he let his queen take it.

"Check mate." Roy said and smirked, "I guess I haven't told you that I usually played chess against the higher Generals before I got transferred back here."

"You knew!" Ed shouted, "You knew you'd win!"

"Of course I knew." Roy said with a smug look on his face, "I would never challenge you in something you actually could win in."

"Yippee." Ed said, "What do you want me to do? I bet it's something humiliating..."

"Actually, I have a question..." Roy said.

"I'll answer it." Ed said and looked at Roy's serious face.

"What do you... feel about..." Roy started but silenced with a thoughtfull expression on his face.

Ed frowned, "What do I feel about what?"

"Forget it... It was a silly question anyways..." Roy said as he looked out from the window with a distant look in his eyes.

"Come on, what was it?" Ed asked as he frowned, he could see that it was something serious because of Roy's reaction.

"Nothing, Ed... Nothing, and forget about the wish." Roy said as he stood up and put his coat on.

Ed wasn't happy with the way Roy acted, it just wasn't... him.

He would never miss a chance to humiliate or make fun of Ed, especially not when Ed didn't have the right to say no since they had made a bet.

"Well, Edward." Roy said, "I'm heading home, the soldiers are ordered to leave documents and similar things here at my office, you've got permission to look at it and take it with you, but I want to take a look at it later."

"Er... Okay, thanks." Ed said as he walked out of the office before Roy closed the door.

"Good night." Roy said before he walked against the exit of the building and leaving a confused Ed behind. 'You wouldn't dare to look me in the eyes again if I told you...' Roy thought as he left the Central HQ in a lot more depressed mood than before.

Ed watched Roy through the window with a sad look on his face.

'I wish he would tell me what's wrong...' Ed thought as he put his flesh hand against the cold window.

Ed sighed and turned around when he lost sight of Roy.

He looked at his watch, it was 10.20 pm. Ed put down his pocket watch again and walked against the dorms.

* * *

Edpulled down the handle to his and Al's room, Al was sitting were he had been sitting before, still with the book in his hand.

"Nii-san!" Al said, "I started wondering where you were!"

"Sorry, I played check with the Colonel." Ed said and put on one of his classic fake smiles, he didn't wanna make Al worried about something silly.

"Oh, who won?" Al asked, "And did you find out something else?"

"He won, but the bastard knew he'd win." Ed said, "Er... yeah, the documents will be here in... 1 and a half hour."

"That's good!" Al said happily, "Maybe we'll find some clues!"

"Yeah... Maybe." Ed mumbled as he fixed his eyes on the fan again, it just went around and around... And it was creaking. '1, 2, 3, 4, 5...'

* * *

'992, 993, 994, 995...'

"Nii-san?" Al said carefully, it had past a lot of time but Ed didn't say anything.

'996, 997, 998, 999...'

"Nii-san!" Al said louder this time.

"1000!" Ed shouted, Al stared at Ed.

"Ed... Are you okay?" Al asked and eyed Ed.

"Yeah, I just couldn't stop counting when I almost was at 1000." Ed said and grinned, "You wanted to say something?"

"Er... Yeah, it has passed 1 hour and 40 minutes now..." Al said. 'Counting what?' Al wondered but he didn't say anything.

"Really?" Ed asked and got up, "Then I'll go and see the documents, sorry Al but I'm the only one who had permission to enter Mustang's office, but I'll bring them here to you after having a look at them!"

"Okay, good luck!" Al said as Ed left with a smile on his face.

Ed ran through the corridors against Mustang's office, this was it. The documents from the Philosopher Alchemist could be a big break through for the Elric brothers, maybe a way to create a Philosophers Stone without sacrifice living human beings.

When he reached the door he stormed in and expected to be scolded for acting rude.

"I'm here Mustang so cough up the documents!" Ed said but was met with silence, right, Mustang had already left. 'It's so empty...' Ed thought and looked around and let out a sigh as he wandered up to Roy's desk.

Ed sat down in Roy's chair and put his feet at the desk as he collected the pile of papers. Roy would definitely torch Ed if he could see him now.

"This is the old crap..." Ed muttered and threw away one paper, he eyed the second, "This is the same damn thing as Marco's notes!" He said and threw away another paper.

'Please, please... Let there be something more!' Ed thought desperately as he looked through the papers.

Human transmutation theories... Something about the Philosophers Stone, anything that could be to help.

After carefully reading through the papers one more time Ed let the papers slip out from his hands, he already knew everything that was written in those papers, it was trash.

Perfect, their last lead was dead and it seemed he had brought his most important research with him into his grave, Ed should have understood. Which state alchemist would write down everything he knew on paper so anyone could read it?

Ed got up from the chair and collected the papers again, he took them under his arm and left Roy's office as empty as it had been before he entered.

It wasn't just only Roy's office which was empty, it was a big empty space somewhere inside of Ed, something that was missing.

It took Ed longer than usual to get back to his and Al's room, it felt like someone had put weights on his shoulders which slowed him down.

He took a deep breath as he opened the door, it was never fun to show Al that they were standing still in their hunt.

"Nii-san, is something wrong?" Al asked carefully when he saw his brother's face expression.

Ed dropped the pile of papers in front of Al, "Just look it through." He said with flat voice.

It took Alphonse about 10 minutes to read through the papers, he laid down the papers on the table once he was finished.

"But… We knew this already…" Al said hopelessly, "We've known it for a long time now!"

"I know." Ed muttered, "Looks like the Philosopher Alchemist brought hissecrets with him to his grave."

"It's going to be like this forever, right?" Al asked sadly.

"No!" Ed said, "I promise you Al, we'll find another way, another lead."

"That is what you always says, it have been like this for 5 years now." Al said, "Just tell me truth Ed, I'm going to be in this shell forever!"

Ed stood up and looked out through the window as he let out a sigh and put on his coat.

"I don't know what to do, Al." Ed said, "That's the truth."

"Just tell me, we're stuck like this forever, aren't we?" Al asked with a voice that pierced through Ed's heart, it was filled with sorrow and pain.

"I don't know." Ed said once more as he turned around and pulled the handle on the door down, "Don't stay up waiting for me, I'll be back in time." He said quietly as he left Al to ponder alone, Ed went out into the cold night air.

* * *

_So what did ya think?  
As you might have notice Ed and Roy are starting to feel more for each other, but no one don't seem to have the guts to just say it to the other one, wait and see what happens in Chapter 7!_

_I've started writing on chapter 7 already so it wont take so long time this time!  
__I want to thank all of my readers who just reads and especially those who reviews!  
__Ihope you still will have faith in me and keep reading the story._

_(Please review and if you looks a bit down I'm writing asnwers to your reviews for the previous chapter! I'll start doing it from now on!)  
__'Fullmetal'_

_Finished: 5/6 -06  
Published: 10/6 -06_

* * *

**'Fullmetal's answers on the reviews on chapter 5!**

PuRE'Curse  
I hope this chapter is better than the one before p  
At least I am not jumping so much as in chapter 5!

**kate4anime**  
It's fun to know that you love my story.  
I'm sorry for not updating on a long while but I hope you found this chapter good to!

**Katiea-chan  
**Thanks )  
I'll continue write and good you enjoyed reading it. -

**MewMewVanilla**  
Arigatou for reviewing x)  
Well, it cough only cough took me about two months write this chapter, hope you'll enjoy it and I'll try to complete chapter 7 next week!

**Alchemy202**  
Thanks :)  
And it's fun to know that I'm on your alert list, hope you found this chapter to be good too!

**Maiden Cross**  
I just had to make Ed fall asleep on Roy. :')  
I could see it in my head and it was so cute that I just had to write it down in the story. -

**Athina Dark-Angel of Death**  
Thanks and I'm sorry for not updating so fast ..

**Fiery Goddess of Ice**  
Well, I guess you got your answer on what was going to happen ;)  
Hm, let's see, I never thought about when it was set but I'll try to explain almost when!  
Let's say it has followed the anime uptil the incident at Lab 5, after that things starts to change, Ed and Al tries to find another way, Scar is still on hunt for them... And another change is that as you may have noticed that Roy is in Central and not East... That's what I can say about that p  
Arigatou -  
And gomen for the time it took for me to update ..


	7. A dance on roses

_Hello! Here I am again, this time with a brand new chapter (like all the other times -.-)  
__It's named "A dance on roses." (Explanation after the chapter.)  
__Please read and review, and enjoy your reading!_

_(I still do not own Fullmetal Alchemist even if I wish I did.)_

* * *

Ed shivered in the cold night air, it was November so it was only natural but Ed's coat wasn't exactly made for being out long in coldness like this. And Ed wasn't usually out for long, specially not at night.

"Darn, I'd need something to warm up…" Ed muttered as he walked.

He had been walking for a while but he didn't have a final destination, he just let his legs take him wherever they wanted, or rather where his mind wanted him to go.

'Something warm… Fire, flame…' Ed thought as he looked up at a big house in front of him, 'Roy Mustang…'

"Heh, it's funny how the mind works…" Ed whispered and let out a chuckle, "I never intended to get here…"

"Didn't know better, huh?" Ed said as he looked up to a window, light shone out from it, "I guess you thought you knew better…"

Ed let out a sigh as he turned around and headed away, it was not like he was going to walk up to Mustang and tell him how he felt. 'Hey, Mustang, I think I have a crush on you!'

Ed slumped down on a bench not so far away from Roy's house and let out a moan.

"This isn't fun." Ed said and groaned as he still watched through the windows.

Great, Edward Elric must really have screwed up this time. He has a crush on his commander the womanising Colonel Sarcasm, a.k.a. Roy Mustang. And he had also kinda fought with his younger brother.

Now he looked through a window at the bottom floor, he could see a shadow hurrying back and forth, then he heard a frustrated shout. (Darn!)

'What in hell is he doing?' Ed thought and frowned.

Next thing that followed was a loud beeping sound, like a fire alarm or something like that. And the beeping sound was followed by more frustrated shouts. (IT'S FUCKING BURNING! WATER!)

'Is he burning down his house or what!' Ed thought at the beeping sound and the shouting Mustang.

Suddenly the front door of Mustang's house flew up and Roy stomped out with a plastic bag in his arms, he didn't look happy and he headed towards Ed. That was when Ed realised that he was sitting beside a trashcan.

'Perfect, this night is just FUCKING perfect!' Roy thought as stomped away against the trashcan not so long from his house, funny, the guy on the bench beside looked almost exactly like Edward. 'Wait a moment… That IS Ed!' He thought and ran up to the bench.

"Ed?" He said and frowned, "What in hell are you doing here?" Roy's anger disappeared at the sight of the younger alchemist.

"Hi, Roy." Ed said with a sad smile, "Don't know, what are you doing yourself, burning your house down?"

"No I'm not! I and the kitchen just aren't… friends." Roy growled, "You don't know? I don't buy that, you can tell me why. Inside." He said as he threw the bag in the trashcan.

Ed just let out a sigh but stood up and followed Mustang into his house.

* * *

"Yikes, what the hell did you try to do?" Ed asked as he entered the hall and sniffed, "It smells like you burned something really bad!"

Roy muttered something almost inaudible that sounded like noodles. Ed couldn't help but smile to himself, there was a lot of things he didn't knew about Roy. (Like he could be a disaster in the kitchen!)

"Take a seat." Roy offered as they entered his living room, Ed sat down in the leather couch and Roy sat down beside him, (Indian style) turned against Ed, "So tell me Ed, what was you doing out there?"

"I just needed to be away." Ed muttered, "I and Al kinda had a fight so I didn't wanna go back either…"

Roy frowned, "Why?"

"The documents… It was nothing more than crap, things I've known for years." Ed said and let out a deep sigh, "Al asked me if we will be this way forever, I said no but he said that I always used to say that we'll find new leads… Then he said that he wanted to hear the truth and… Well, I don't know what to do anymore… I really don't know." Ed rubbed his temples and Roy looked at Ed with a sympathetic face expression.

"I think you two maybe need to slow down a bit, it will come something by time." Roy said softly, "You just can't expecting things to come rushing against you."

"But we're entirely out of leads…" Ed said sadly.

"And what?" Roy asked and frowned, "You've been completely dead in tracks before, haven't you? I promise, there will come more opportunities."

Roy smiled against him and Ed couldn't help but feeling all warm and weird inside, now he was sure of it, he was in love with Roy Mustang, and he had been it for a long time.

"Thanks Roy, you're right." The blonde said and smiled back. Then he leant in closer against Roy with a self-confident look in his eyes before he placed his lips against Roy's.

Ed was a bit surprised that Roy's lips were so soft and warm, he had expected them to be harder and colder, but then Ed hadn't kissed anyone before. The kiss only lasted a few seconds because Ed pulled back with a faint blush on his face, Roy looked like someone had told him that he was the new Führer.

"I don't care what you do, hate it, like it, or simply forget it." Ed said as he stood up, "I will remember it cause know what, I think I love you, bastard." He said before he turned around to leave, Ed was completely sure that Roy either had hated it or was planning on forgetting it.

'I guess it's best this way...' Ed thought.

But on his way put Ed suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned around and this time Roy was the one who kissed him. He stroked his tongue against Ed's lower lip and Ed parted his lips to give Roy access to his mouth. Ed put his arms around Roy's neck as they explored each others mouths. They fell down in the couch, Ed on top of Roy, after a good 10 minutes they broke apart.

"Thank you, Ed." Roy whispered, "You answered my wish."

"What was it?" Ed asked, blushing faintly.

"I wanted to ask what you felt about me, guess I got a perfect answer." Roy smiled, "Are you psychic?"

Ed let out a chuckle as he put his head down to rest at Roy's chest, he could feel his heart beat and he felt how he got lifted up by Roy's breathing.

"Mhm, and I foresee that I'll spend the night here." Ed whispered.

"Ah, but then I think it's better if we move to the bed." Roy said and lifted Ed up in bridal style, "Hm…"

"What?" Ed said and frowned as he gave Roy a peck on his cheek.

"Nothing important, just thought about if I had turned everything of in the kitchen." Roy said as he made way to his room.

"Nothing important?" Ed asked and stared at Roy, "Hey, if I'll wake up to the sound of a fire alarm I swear I'll kill you!"

Roy chuckled as he kissed Ed softly, Ed started tugging on Roy's shirt, both of them had left most of their clothes on their way to Roy's room. When they were right outside Roy quickly let go of Ed with his right hand to quickly open it, then he dropped Ed on his King-sized bed and they got on with their kissing scene there.

"Hey." Roy whispered as he pulled back from Ed, "Are you willing to do this... Go all the way I mean?"

"I want you." Was all Ed said and it was taken as a yes for Roy who started to remove Ed's tank top.

As he slowly removed the rest of Ed's clothes he also placed kisses along Ed's neck and down on his chest. Ed was lost in Roy's kisses and touches, he was lost in time and space, all that existed was Roy, himself and their love, nothing more.

* * *

Next morning Ed woke up by a bright light in his eyes. He yawned and sat up, rubbed his eyes and looked around. Dark blue walls, white ceiling, Dark blue sheets in the bed… He hadn't thought of the colours the day before.

'So it wasn't a dream.' Ed thought and smiled to himself as he got up from the bed, his clothes laid in a pile beside the bed, 'Guess Roy picked them up…'

Ed approached his clothes and found a note on top of them.

_Didn't want to wake you up since you slept so peacefully.  
__Feel free to do whatever you want, well, not destroy anything but I trust you wont do something like that.  
__I made some eggs, bacon and fried potatoes and I left some for you in the kitchen if you want to eat something. (I ate it and I'm still alive, it's eatable.)  
__Come by HQ later?_

_Love,  
__Roy_

Ed chuckled, it just was so… Roy. He shook his head as he took up the pile of clothes and went to the bathroom, he felt a bit... sticky.

He filled the bathtub with water and just lied in the water for half an hour, then he dried of, got clothed and went down to the kitchen. A plate was placed on the table, Ed didn't bother to heat it up, it wasn't cold yet and his hunger took over so he just ate it.

'He can do this but he can't cook simple noodles?' Ed thought and let out a laugh, 'Maybe he just were tired last night… But it didn't seem like that in bed.'

After Ed had washed of the plate he realised that Al didn't have a clue where he was.

"Oh shit!" Ed yelled, "I have to get back!"

Ed went to the door and there he saw another note with a key on.

_Hey, please lock the door after you. It would be an invitation to thieves if the door was left open.  
__By the way, you can keep the key, I have my own and thought you could need it sometime when I'm not home and you maybe want to come over… Or something like that.  
__Hope the breakfast didn't kill you._

_Love,  
__Roy_

'Whoa, less than 24 hours and I get a key to his house.' Ed thought and frowned as he got out and locked the door, then he put the key in one of his pockets.

In a way it felt very good to have the key to Roy's house, it made Ed feel… special, or chosen.

Then once again Al came up on his mind and he ran the whole way to Central HQ, which luckily wasn't so far from Roy's house but when Ed was panting and he could feel the sweat on his back.

'I bet Al has searched through whole Central after me, just hope he's here…' Ed thought as he walked against the dorms in HQ, he reached their room and pulled down the handle but it was locked.

"He isn't here?" Ed muttered and frowned, he sighed and got up the key to the room and opened up, and as he said, Al wasn't in there.

Ed sighed and closed the door behind him, Al was probably out and looking for him, he had always been the one to worry about Edward but it should be the other way around.

Ed sat down in his bed and then he noticed a note on the pillow. (A/N: The invation of the notes! o.O)

_Edward,  
__I'll take the night train to Resembool and I'll stay there.  
__I know that there isn't a way to get my body back that doesn't mean that we have to sacrifice other human beings so I'll rather stay here and try to enjoy the life I have than searching for the impossible.  
__Please don't try to convince me that it isn't true cause I know it is. I think it would be best if we stay away from each other for a while, maybe a pretty long while. I just can't see you now... Sorry._

_Alphonse_

Ed stared at the note in shock, his own brother… His little brother had lost hope in himself and Edward. He sank down to the floor and read the note over and over again.

Now Ed felt really abandoned, for the first time in his life Edward hadn't his brother's company, his brother's comfort, his brother's voice.

'Al… But… Why?' Ed thought and desperately looked around in the room like he hoped it all was a joke and that Al would jump in from behind a corner or something and say, "Surprise, I tricked you!"

But no Alphonse was there, the only trace after him was the note and Ed was sure that it was Al who had written the note.

Ed could feel the tears burn behind his eyes but he pushed them back. First Ed had thought that this day would turn out good but of course it had to get a turn to the bad.

Alone. Something. Someone. Comfort. Now.

Ed stood up, the note from Al still in his hand as he left his room, yes now it only was his room, his alone. Ed started to walk the familiar way against Roy's office, he met up with Maria Ross on his way there.

"Hi, Edward." She said and smiled, "Are you feeling better since last time I saw you?

"Uh… yeah." Ed said and gave her one of his fake smiles, they said good bye and Ed continued then stopped in front of the door, he knocked on the door then stepped in.

Roy looked up from his work with a sour face but he shone up a bit when he saw that it was Ed who had entered. But he frowned when he saw Ed's sad face expression, he also saw the note in Ed's hand. At first he thought it was one of his notes but what could've made Ed so sad about them?

"Ed… Is something wrong?" Roy asked as Ed walked up to his desk and sat down in front of him.

"It's Alphonse." Ed said quietly and dropped the note on the table, Roy read it, he opened his mouth but before he spoke he read it again.

"Are you sure it's Alphonse who wrote this?" Roy asked carefully.

Ed nodded, "I read it over 20 times, I'm sure…"

Then Ed felt that the tears were close again and he tried to push them away but he broke down in quiet sobs.

"I never thought… He would… L-leave me… a-alone..." Ed said and sobbed, "Not after mom… We promised… A-Alphonse said that we… we are all we got… He said that…"

Roy stood up and sat down on his knees beside Ed and put his arms around him. When Roy saw Ed sad he also felt sad for Ed. He whispered comforting words into Ed's ear.

"Sh… It's okay… You aren't alone, I'm here." Roy said and wiped away a tear from Ed's face, "Please don't cry…"

Ed let out a final sob then he looked up at Roy, he looked like a lost puppy.

"You're right…" Ed said and rubbed his eyes, "I am pathetic."

"No, no, no!" Roy said and shook his head, "What would make you pathetic?"

"Acting like this." Ed said quietly and lowered his head, "Coming here and crying… I should be more mature… I should be able to handle things better."

Roy sighed and took a gentle grip around Ed's face and made him look into his eyes.

"You aren't pathetic for coming here, and especially not for acting like you did." Roy said and smiled softly, "I think it's better that you shows your emotions than hide them, it hurts more to hide."

Ed just rested his head against Roy's chest and took in the smell of him, fire, cinnamon and cologne.

They sat so for a while, Roy just kept stroking his hand over Ed's back.

"You smell good." Ed suddenly said completely out of the blue, Roy chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but I can't say the same thing about you." Roy said and chuckled, then it knocked on the door so both Roy and Ed pulled away from each other and tried to look as normal as possible.

Hawkeye entered, Roy sat behind his desk and tried to look bored but didn't quite manage since his lip kept twitching, Ed on the other looked like he was between laughing or crying. Hawkeye rose an eyebrow and eyed the two State Alchemists suspiciously.

"… Are you up to something?" She asked and let her hand unconsciously stroke her gun.

"N-no, what makes you think that?" Roy asked and chuckled nervously, "I and Edw- …Fullmetal here was just talking about the orgasmic. . . NO! Organisms, that…"

"Captured me at Lab 5, Ro- Colonel Mustang wasn't there so I thought I should tell him a bit more about… you know the… the…" Ed tried to save the situation but lost the last word.

"Homunculi!" Roy ended the sentence, "I don't now much aboutthe Homunculi!"

Hawkeye glared right into the eyes of both Roy and Ed, they swallowed and then Ed stood up.

"If you excuse me, I have a call to make." He said and smiled as he quickly escaped from Roy's office, 'Sorry, Roy, but I won't stay in the same room as that trigger-happy woman for now!'

'How could he leave me with her?' Roy thought desperately as he saw Ed leave, then he turned his head and looked at Hawkeye and smiled nervously again, "I think I'm going to do my paperwork now." He started to look at the papers at his desk and sign them.

Hawkeye sighed and shook her head, something was definitely not right, both Ed and Roy had been acting very weird but Hawkeye let it be for the moment.

* * *

Ed sighed as he went down to the dining area. Yeah, he had eaten breakfast only an hour or two earlier but yet he took a plate with food and sat down in a corner, alone.

Ed just sat and played with his food, he still felt sad that Al had left him. It really hurt him to know that his own brother had lost hope.

'Alphonse... Damn it, I need you!' Ed thought and shook his head, 'I think I'll die if Mustang leaves me too...'

Ed snapped out from his thoughts when he heard footsteps just a couple of meters away, Ed looked up with a questioning face to see who it was.  
The questioning expression turned into fear when he saw who it was who approached him...

* * *

_Well, that was chapter 7!  
__And it's a cliff-hanger, I'll try to write chapter 8 as fast as possible! ;)  
__Please don't forget to review! _

**'Fullsteel'**: Mwahaha! Only I know who it is who approaches Ed!  
**Ed**: Hey! It's unfair, I actually saw who approached me and I don't get to know! And why in hell do you have to make me go all emotional on Mustang again?  
**'Fullsteel'**: Cause it's cute to see Roy comfort you!  
**Roy**: Mhm, Ed is my own little Chibi.  
**Ed**: I AM NOT ANYONE'S CHIBI!

_A dance on roses – The thing I mean with that is that life can be wonderful, roses are wonderful, aren't they? But then, you never know when you will step on a thorn.  
__In Ed's case it's wonderful that he didn't get rejected by Roy. The "thorn" is that Al left him alone._

* * *

'**Fullmetal's answers on the reviews on chapter 6! (I appreciate reviews even if they only contains the word good, you don't have to write something long, but I'd really like if more people reviews!)**

**Athina Dark-Angel of Death  
**Hope this chapter contains what you want too!

**Wing It  
**I really appreciates the encouragement, it helps me keep writing :)  
Good you like my story.

**Angel Spirit  
**You said you liked hurt/comfort fics... I guess this chapter fits in on the description.  
I hope you'll keep reading and maybe review (?), fun you added it to your alert list:)

**Himawari  
**I know, poor brothers! I actually feel sad when I write and I have found myself crying when something gets to sad to write :''P  
I guess you got some more Roy this time ;)  
And it's really fun that you loves the story too! ;D  
Hope you liked this chapter too!

**Sonicmetal Alchemist aka Edo'z Gurl  
**Good you loved it and I hope you'll continue to love it :)


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